Teenagers are an entirely different species than most that inhabit the earth, or so it appears to rational adults. Many of us have forgotten the emotional rollercoaster of those years, from roughly ages twelve to nineteen, and sometimes beyond.

Children need to be taught independence before they can be allowed to leave the nest. A child should be taught responsibility and accountability and decision-making, besides the basics of self-care and even financial familiarity, long before being allowed much freedom at all.

Suppose you have done all these things - and your teenager begins exhibiting signs of chafing at his particular restrictions- do you allow him to go his own way, do you allow him to make all his own decisions? Many parents do just this, and they are often left to wonder where they went wrong, what else they could have done to ensure a smooth transition to adulthood for their child.

Many parents believe that teenagers are full-grown and need no more guidance; they simply believe they must support them until, or sometimes after, they leave home for either college or the big, bad world.

Teenagers need restrictions. Some may need a curfew, some even need a bedtime. They need rules to follow, even though they may be taller and stronger than you. Of course rules mean that parents care - we’ve all heard that. And kids believe it as well - but that doesn’t mean they like having those rules!

Many teenagers push the limits of curfew; many blow off schoolwork, at least to a point; many talk back and slough off their chores. Most appear selfish and self-centered, at least often enough that parents fear they’ve raised a monster. But when is "bad" behavior beyond the pale?

When your teenager is rude and disrespectful, to you and to others; when your teenager engages in fairly consistent risky behavior (drugs, alcohol, gangs, etc.); when your teenager gets mixed up with the wrong crowd or shows up on the wrong side of the law - these are times when behavior has moved into a different, more serious zone.

Perhaps you took no steps to change their behavior or punish them when things began to escalate; perhaps you did, and nothing worked. Every family, every individual, has their own unique breaking point and dividing line.  Every person belongs solely to himself, and what works for one may not work for another. As a parent, you may indeed have tried it all - your child is his own, and he alone is responsible for what he does.

Consistency, firmness, and fairness are all keys to dealing with teenagers and promoting responsible, independent behaviors; and these things should be in place long before a child becomes a teen. The groundwork must be laid, the foundation solidified. Usually, it works. When it does not, hard decisions must be made to save the child from himself.

Photo by: taliesin at morguefile.com